The Girl I Used To Be

I came across this poem in a book I was reading called "Honoring a Mother's Love," by Jack Christianson. As I read it I couldn't help but remember all the dreams, and hopes I had once layed out for MY life. I can't lie, I got a little emotional reading this and thinking of how things could have been different, and why they weren't. I too, once dreamed of these things and so much more. This poem gently reminded me that I HAVE everything I need, and that worldy possessions don't make us happy at the end of the day, our loved ones do. Yes, at one point I had very different hopes and aspirations, but would I change what I have now for anything in the world? No. We will never be rich or live in a mansion, but we will be comfortable, and we will have each other, and most importantly we will have the Gospel..something that I am ashamed to admit was never really high up on that list of mine. Oh how grateful I am now, that I have gained the testimony I felt like I was searching in vain for, thanks to my life playing out so differently than I had imagined. My girls are my everything..being a mother is what I truly was meant to be, and and I am so grateful that I was chosen to be theirs!!!!

"The Girl I Used to Be"

She came tonight as I sat alone, The girl I used to be.

And she gazed at me with her earnest eye and questioned reproachfully,

"Have you forgotten the many plans And hopes that I had for you?

The great career, the splendid fame,

All the wonderful things to do?"

"Where is the mansion of stately height With all of its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you,

And the jewels in your hair?"

And as she spoke, I was very sad For I wanted her pleased with me ...

This slender girl that I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stairs

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay so innocent, sweet, and fair.

I told her that these are my only gems,

And Precious they are to me;

That silken robe is my Motherhood Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love,

And the only career I know,

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls

For the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,

She smiled through her tears at me;

And I saw the woman I am now ...

Pleased I'm the girl I used to be.

-Rowena K. Lewis

Date Night

Friday night Jeff and I went to dinner and Temple square with some friends of ours, Lucy and Dave. Oh, what an interesting, fun night to say the least!! It was so great to get out without the kids and enjoy having adults around for once! We went to Pizza Factory and then headed up to SLC. After driving around forever looking for parking, and one bathroom break later.. we FINALLY found a spot! And believe it or not it was really close to the Temple, which meant less walking for me to have to do in my 4" boots! ( I am weird like that, I always have to have the CLOSEST spot available, and luckily for me my husband usually indulges me-even if he has to drive around for 10 minutes looking for one:) Love you babe:) It was CRAZY crowded, but was absolutely beautiful!! If you haven't been up there yet this year- you should!! The temple is beautiful itself, but having every branch on the trees surrounding it all lit up with an assortment of colors was breathtaking. We walked around for about and hour and a half or so and decided to head back to our house for some hot chocolate. That's when things got interesting:) I won't go into details because I am too tired. I will leave that up to Lucy since it was mostly her hubby that made it that way, lol. Needless to say we were locked out and there was climbing of balconys, broken Christmas lights, nosy neighbors, fits of giggles, a bruised tailbone and some VERY wet jeans! We finally just headed up to 7-11 to get our hot chocolate and went to Jeff's parents house to hang out for a bit before we called it a night. Can't wait to do it again!! Thanks guys for an awesome night:)

Bad Mother

Ok so I feel like a total failure as a mother!! When Kylee was born we took millions of pictures and videos of her!! However, since I have had Brae I have only taken a few pics and absolutely NO videos:( Poor thing is gonna feel so left out when she is older and sees that Kylee has all these memories and photos and she has none! So I dedicated the day to taking LOTs of pics of Brae, and giving her a little extra tlc:) As you will notice Braelyn has RED hair and BLUE eyes.. And looks NOTHING like me! If I hadnt seen her immediately after I had her, I would have sworn they switched kids on me. I am still in shock. No one in Jeffs fam has red hair..so I am guessing it comes from my biological family on my side..(at least she gets something from me:) I guess I just always had it in my head that all my kids would be brown haired, brown eyed, dark skinned! Its funny to see how night and day difference Kylee and Braelyn are. I would not have it any other way, though. My girls are beautiful and I thank Heavenly Father EVERY day for them!! Last night I was looking at them both as they slept, and I just started crying. There was a time in my life after my little brother died that I felt like NOTHING could ever make me happy again or fill the void in my heart. I felt so betrayed by my Heavenly Father for taking him from me, so deeply and impossibly hurt, and so confused. I felt I could never forgive Him for taking my best friend away from me. Harsh, I know..but please dont judge me unless you have ever experienced what I went through!! I was really bitter for a long time, in fact up until the day I had Kylee:) Now I am the complete opposite!! I am so filled with gratitiude and love for my Heavenly Father..he has given me the greatest gift in the world..my two girls. I look at them and I know they are special and that in life with joy, there must come pain. And even better, I know that my girls were in Heaven and Robby was taking care of them, telling them to be patient with me, and loving them until it was time for them to be born. I take for granted how lucky I am to be their mother, and when I am overwhelmed or frustrated with them I will remember how much I love them and that they are a blessing and not the "burden" I sometimes think they are:)

Braelyn Roylance

Braelyn Roylance was born October 23rd, 2009. She weighed 6 lbs 14 ounces, white as can be with BLONDE hair!!! Crazy, right?! I was only in labor a total of about 7 hours, and then pushed for about 15 minutes. Sooo much easier, and half the time of Kylee's delivery!! Braelyn is Jeff 100%:) I call her my "Jeff" baby. Kylee is more me, with a good mix of the two of us, but Braelyn is all Jeff and his side of the family. I always said I wanted a blonde haired, blue eyed baby but considering I'm olive skinned, with dark hair and dark brown eyes..it was kinda far-fetched:)...but I'm pretty sure Braelyn will be that child!! She is such a good baby..she sleeps most of the night, and hardly ever cries. She is so beautiful, and I could stare at her for hours. It is such a comfort knowing that she was just in Heaven with all the people I love that have passed on..it makes me feel so much closer to them. I know they showered her with love and cared for her, and prepared her for this world as best they could. When I look at her it reminds me of my purpose here on earth and that I must also prepare myself and my family to return to our Heavenly Father someday. It is such a blessing to know that we will be able to spend ETERNITY with the people we love! I just hope and pray I can raise my family in a way pleasing unto the Lord. I owe Him so much, everything we have in fact!! Including my brand new baby girl Braelyn:) I am on cloud nine right now..my life couldn't be better:)

Birthday Surprises

I turned 25 this year!!! I can't believe I am 25 years old..its so weird! I swear just yesterday I was 18 and moving up to Utah to go to school! My parents came up Tuesday to help us with Kylee for the week..the baby that was supposed to be induced that same Tuesday. However, my doctor wanted to be safe and had me go get an amnio to make sure the baby's lungs were fully developed. Low and behold, they were not. One point or percentage under what they consider fully developed or mature. So I had to wait it out, either going into labor on my own, or being induced the earliest friday morning. It was an awesome couple of days!! Wednesday we met up to go to dinner, and my mom decided she wanted to have me open my birthday presents early, in case I went into labor. She handed me my cards and then a little box. I opened the cards and then went onto the box. It was one of those gift card boxes where you pull the string and the gc comes out.. It was all taped up, but I thought nothing of it. I started pulling on the little green string but nothing happened!! My mom kept saying, "oh just keep pulling, I think it got stuck somehow.." so I continued pulling on the little green string feeling stupid I couldnt open a little box!! So Jeff grabs it from me and starts pulling the tape off the sides and hands it back to me. I figured he already ruined the box so i will finish. Inside there was something all wrapped up in tissue paper...NOT a giftcard. As I continue unraveling the paper, a little black car key box popped out..the ones where the key is hidden insided the clicker!! I think I just stared at it for like two minutes, processing what it was and what it meant. I GOT A NEW CAR for my birthday!! I looked at my parents and didnt even know what to say or do.. my dad finally said, "well go check it out!" So Jeff and I ran outside and sitting in the parking lot was a silver 2008 Acura Mdx!! I was so shocked, emotional, and surprised, etc!!!! It was beautiful, perfect, exactly what I would have chosen, and best of all..All MINE:) I am so grateful to have parents who are so generous and loving..They do so much for my brothers and sisters and I and for so many others! They are never selfish, and always put others before themselves. My mom spent weeks doing research on cars, making sure she chose one I would love, and that was safe. I am not an easy person to shop for and picky about so many things, so I can imagine it wasnt easy on her!! But she did an AMAZING job, and I could not have done better myself:) OH!!! And did I mention she made my favorite- homemade PUMPKIN pie..so yummy!!

Princess Kylee

Just some cute pics I thought I'd share:) My daughter is a true Diva..she loves to play dress up and is ALWAYS getting in my shoes!! She loves wearing her princess crown, and she stole my scripture case for her "purse"...she comes waltzing in this particular day and announces, "I'm cute, mama!!" I couldn't stop laughing!! I love being a mom, there is nothing like it!!! The other pics are of her all bundled up playing on our balcony..I just HAD to buy this hat..I couldn't resist!!! Jeff thinks its silly, but I think its ADORABLE!!! Oh yeah, I am making Kylee's Halloween Costume this year..she is being a little devil..it suits her well as of late...It is quite tasking considering I have never done it before, but with a little help from my sweet mom and sis in law, its turning out quite adorable...pics to come:)In other news, I am sooooooooooo over being pregnant!!! My feet and face are swollen, I have heartburn NONSTOP, my back and legs are killing me and I'm sick of being fat and not being able to sleep at night!!!Ughg!! Why do we put ourselves through this over and over!??!??!!?!!?!? Did I mention I get up to pee EVERY 45 minutes at night even if I don't drink anything for like 3 hours before I go to bed?! All I can say at this point is its a d*** good thing I only have 2 weeks left because I cant take this much longer and Im sure Jeff is sick of hearing me complain..he has been pretty good to me this pregnancy tho, and THAT I can't complain about, he is the best...I'm a pretty lucky girl!!!! LOL..Thanks for letting me vent, everyone;)

BBq's,Lunch, Dinner, and Craft Dates!

BBQat the Atwoods..

Tae and Kylee-

Some of my fav blocks:)

Its been awhile since I posted, I have been getting bad I know!! So updates in the Roylance family...I only have about 6 weeks left of being pregnant, and am MORE than ready to pop!! My body hurts and I am just about to the point where leaving the house or walking anywhere is a huge chore, and I pay for it later!! LOL. Kylee is is still a little monster- getting into whatever she feels like, sassing Jeff and me about EVERYTHING, hitting, screaming No! and not doing so well getting off the bink:( She is two and should be off it by now!! I am soo bad and nothing is working!! I only give it to her at bedtime and naptime, but even that is hard!! I've been trying to put her down without it, and just a sipee ..and she immediately starts screaming for it!! She will keep this up sometimes for an hour or two, and wakes up multiple times at night crying and wanting it.. I just dont have the patience or the energy right now to be doing this!!! Any suggestions anyone for an easier transition for the both of us?! Anyways, what else is going on?..My dad just came to town to help my sister move back to Vegas and took us to lunch at Olive Garden..it was super yummy and Kylee loves her Grandpa Bayne!! She gets such a big smile on her face when she gets to see him, its just adorable:) I also have had a lot of time on my hands obviously since I am only working at the Salon part time, and have been getting to explore my craftier side with friends... Modge Podge is my new favorite hobby!! You can do so much with it!! Since Halloween is rapidly approaching I did some "trick or treat" blocks..I hope to do some for every holiday..they turned out way cuter than I thought they would, and so fun and easy to do!! I have so many more fun ideas if anyone wants to get together and do craft days!! LOL. Also, this past weekend we got together with some friends of ours- Brynn and Cam and had a fun spaghetti/poker night! They have the most ADORABLE little girl, Taevea!!! Kylee and she got along great and had so much fun playing and running around getting into all of Tae's many toys:) Im hoping to have this baby by Halloween, and if I do, I wanna take Ky out trick or treating!! Anyone wanna get together and hit some spots and maybe do a little get together after?! Lets all think on it!!!:)